The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
