when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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