there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
