I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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