so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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