3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
