Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize