I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
