So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
