I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
the raccoons are back...
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