The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
