Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize