I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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