She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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