Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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