My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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