yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
