oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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