dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
