just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im holly from the hills drunk
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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