Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
