Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Damn victory sex feels great
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