just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I didn't notice because vodka
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
