I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
