I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
