Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
