I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
