Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
