Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
