Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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