weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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