Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
