wat bout pragnant strippers??
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
