VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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