Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
