PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize