I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize