dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
