I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
