its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
