I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
