No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
