How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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