I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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