You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
even my farts smell like vagina
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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