I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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