Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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