It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
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How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
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You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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