I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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