By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
