First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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