Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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