You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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