Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
