Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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