About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
