My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
