So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
