just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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