Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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