apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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