ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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