I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
