Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
