can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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