I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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