i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
