theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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