plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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