He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
